school stress.

hello everyone,

i've decided to rant about how much school is giving me stress.
i have got so much to do, one of those things is to memorize something for my english controlled assessment.
i'm so unprepared and i hate it.

but it's not entirely the school work that is giving me stress, it's the people i have to work with.
in my learning environment i am surrounded by some students who don't even want to learn, they just go to school because they have to.

it annoys me because i really want to do well, for my future, but some students are inconsiderate and all they ever do is talk and not put any effort into their work. that's what annoys me. and when i am annoyed, i get stressed.

what also stresses me is that at lunch time, i'm surrounded by people eating.
it makes me uncomfortable.
i think that i have a problem with food, because i can never eat it around my friends or at school. only when i am with family, i feel slightly at ease. i only truly feel comfortable eating when i'm on my own. i find it very difficult. i love food, but i dislike eating. recently i have gained a little bit of weight, and i tell my parents that i am proud of what i have gained, but inside my head i am hating myself for doing something silly like eating. i don't want to gain weight, i want to be thin. i hate my body. i'm going to admit though, i do feel slightly better now that i am eating. last year, i used to skip meals and eat very little, almost nothing. i only weighed about 102 pounds, which is probably around 7.4 stone. even then i didn't feel happy about it, but i have gained up to 108 pounds since then, still not happy about my weight but i am feeling happier because i am eating and not starving. i need to find another alternative to losing weight.

it's just funny how nobody seems to notice, not that anybody cares about it anyway.

anyways,
goooooooooodbye !